Why do people avoid conflict

So if a person wants to change their approach and stop avoiding conflict, what can they do? How can you engage effectively with the other person? We recommend using constructive behaviors described in the Conflict Dynamics Profile.

Reaching Out provides a way of getting communications restarted. It is particularly helpful after avoidance has caused interaction to slow down. A person can reach out by asking the other person it they would be willing to try to work through the issue. At times, it might involve an apology. Press enter to begin your search. No menu assigned! Fill out my online form. We have to move away from seeing conflict as a bad thing.

Healthy conflict can provide a deeper understanding of people. It allows you to be vulnerable and express your true thoughts and feelings. It can also allow people to understand your boundaries, your morals and your belief system. Do you find that when an issue arises with a colleague, family member, friend, or even your partner you often bite your tongue? When you remain silent it is interpreted as acceptance, which very well may not be your intention.

And keep in mind that the issues you have will only snowball. One of the best ways to increase intimacy in your relationships is to be honest about how you feel. Let people see who you are. Not everything has to be an issue. There are definitely times when it makes sense to let something go. Examine the consequence of remaining silent to determine whether you need to speak up.

Are you at a business lunch around clients or out with your in-laws and your partner? So you may want to hold off on bringing up the issue until a time when you can speak with the person privately.

She does recognize that she avoids conflict and is unassertive in many ways in her life, especially with family members.

When we start to explore her conflict avoiding patterns, she is able to note that she does not want to hurt the feelings of others, so she often chooses not to speak up.

Since we learn our relationship patterns from our family of origin, I have her try to remember how she related to her parents. Clearly, Megan felt emotionally disconnected from her parents who did not attune to her needs and concerns in a consistent and empathic way. If she considers speaking up or does speak up, this triggers feelings of guilt, along with somatic symptoms of stomach aches and headaches and general anxiety. Guilt and shame are prosocial emotions that can be healthy, in that they help us conform to social norms.

But Megan, and others like her, are hypersensitive to offending others and feel guilty even considering being assertive.